Under pressure
and three reflections for the Capricorn Full Moon.
Relatives, I have a quick note on formatting: It’s different than usual and there are several reasons for this. The most essential being that I didn’t want to wait any longer to send you something (it’s been over two months!). Instead of trying to make this perfect, I went with what was present in the moment—for better, or worse. I hope it’s the former, and that you enjoy the change-up. Lastly, a warm welcome to those of you who recently subscribed! Whether you’re new or have been a reader since the beginning, thank you for being here.
A song that I can’t stop listening to:
one
I gave myself 24 hours to complete this letter. Yes, the one reaching you across the screen right now. To get this done, I needed something to move toward, a deadline, a goal. You see, this was meant to go out a long time ago. Every time I tried—putting pen to paper, typing letters on the screen—there was always some interruption. Some pauses were sweet like my son asking to play or read. Others were more abrupt; interceptions calling for time-sensitive action. In the past few months, everything in my world has been focused on the hyper-local. Caring for my family and my health, and tending to the needs of my business and the organization where I am the Board Chair, has been a full-time endeavor. This year looks different than I thought it would. It has asked that I sit with struggle and discomfort, right on the edge between past and present, nudging me to adapt, adapt, adapt.
two
My five-year-old son is enthralled with maps and geography, and we recently started watching One Strange Rock, a National Geographic documentary series. Each episode in the series is dedicated to a particular topic that elucidates the astronomical history of our planet. The first episode, titled “Gasp,” is about how Earth transformed into an oxygen-rich environment. As the story goes, there was much more nitrogen and carbon dioxide in the air—not the most hospitable place for life to survive. While gas levels have shifted throughout the history of our planet, the elements also play a major role in maintaining balance. As quoted in the film:
“Every breath we take—16 breaths a minute; 23,000 breaths a day. Every inhale, every exhale of that precious oxygen couldn’t happen without Earth, Water, Wind, Fire. The whole planet works as one to create that thin blue line: the mark of a living world.”
My years-long passion (obsession?) with breathing has led to several essays, though these barely scratch the surface. The breath is powerful and can teach us about reciprocity: the coming and going of matter into and out of the body through the skin and sense organs. It concerns everything we are, where we come from, and who we are becoming. The thin blue line surrounding the surface of the Earth is the only boundary between here and everything else outside of our atmosphere.
three
Since 2021, I’ve felt a pressure building, specifically about topics around work and health. The sensation deepened when Saturn began its transit through the mutable waters of Pisces—my natal Sun placement. At first, there was a small inclination to revise my daily routines. Then, this spring I witnessed how literal astrology can be: I had my wisdom teeth out as Saturn (the planet of time, wisdom, and boundaries) approached my natal Mercury (the planet of communication and intellect; the messenger and master pollinator). And the closer Saturn inched towards being exact by degree to my natal Mercury, the more I started to feel it; a contraction that would inevitably express itself: a sore throat, a lingering cough, a struggle with words. Hence the time away from writing.
I felt a lot of guilt and frustration at first. There was a time in my life when I would write for long periods. It seemed easier back then because I was in the habit of practicing. In truth, there was more space to practice then, and now, things are different. Now, there are other factors and other concerns. Now, I have a different perspective. Considering the current planetary transits, namely Saturn in Pisces, I anticipate that the pressure will continue, and weaving words will remain a struggle until next spring. Until then, I must keep digging my heels in, and allow myself to plunge further into this soil, as hard as it feels. I have to return to the practices that buoy me. And, to include rituals that honor the cosmos; devotionals to the planets and luminaries. I’ll create an altar for each one.
Updates
I have had the good fortune to be a guest on two podcasts by people whom I deeply respect and admire. Most recently, I was a guest on Mutual Reception with
. You can listen to the episode here.
This was lovely to read, in a similar place, finding losing returning to receding from routines and space. Keep pressing send, even when it feels messy ❤️